Stumbling Blocks

When things don’t go as planned...

You know when you are going along, setting big goals and ticking off boxes, and then something gets in the way? Well, I’m feeling some of that. And while my inclination has been to NOT write here, I thought, this is a real thing. And lots of people face it. So…

My first stumbling block is that I have been almost solidly sick for 2024. I spent New Year’s Eve and the day following with a horrible stomach bug. Relieved to be up and around after that, this week on Monday I developed a sore throat which became a cough that hasn’t quit. I am NOT used to being sick, and I don’t like it. I’m finally seeing a light at the end of this tunnel (and keep testing negative for Covid). I’m also feeling my age (53 if you’re interested) as I write a post about my aches and pains. :)

But this makes me think about other stumbling blocks along the way. Another recent one was hearing from my illustrator that some personal issues have come up which might slow down her progress on the book. I’m thinking of her and wishing her well. And now I don’t know when I’ll have next steps on the project. Luckily, I’ve set my own schedule which isn’t tied to anything external. So it’s OK to have this take longer. And…

I’ve been doing coaching with the amazing Sarai Nicolina who helps me in SO many ways. One of them is learning to “send trust ahead.” Such a good practice. Sometimes slowing down is a key part of the journey. Maybe my body is telling me in 2024 to listen to its messages – and not just from my mind (where I tend to mainly dwell). Sarai also brought the turtle energy into our latest session, focusing on having things happen at the right time. Which isn’t always the fastest time.

Sarai is an incredible coach and human, if you are looking for someone to help on all the levels…

So I’m trying to be kind and give myself grace. Looking back at 2023, the big stumbling block, if you can call it that, was my father’s illness and death. At the same time, my partner’s mother was sick and passed. They went on hospice on practically the same day. Mitch’s mom passed on March 17th and Dad on March 25th. That will be quite a week of anniversaries coming up. But the 17th is also Mitch’s birthday. So we will celebrate big life passages while also holding lives passing. Having such a close experience of death helped me to understand that this really is a natural part of life. It’s hard and brings so much grief. And not to sound cliched, but it’s also what makes life feel so meaningful. That it’s precious.

Me and Dad when I visited him in late December of 2022

Before Dad died I had started to set up an online community I called the Manzanita Children’s Book Community. I signed up for the Circle platform and started paying monthly fees. I got some friends to sign up, and even hosted an info event. People posted a few times. I had big dreams. But in the face of all of the illness and death, I just didn’t have the source to draw on to build something new. I beat myself up for the whole year, paying each month and not doing anything. Thinking, “This is something else I’m not going to follow through on.” Sarai talks about the monkey mind (I think it’s a Buddhist concept) and the different types of thinking we have that stop us in our track. The BIG stumbling blocks.

Photo by Jamie Haughton on Unsplash

Not to cast aspersions at such a cute monkey. Monkeys are lucky to probably NOT have this kind of monkey mind.

So here I am. I decided towards the final months of 2023 to launch the “Create Your Children’s Book” cohort (and if you’ve read this far, you’ve probably read about it in my previous posts). My friend Beth Bacon suggested that running a class might help to give me the structure to move things forward.

Beth will be one of the speakers to the “Create Your Children’s Book” cohort

It was such a good idea. Towards the end of the year I finally had the capacity to start to dream in this way. I started noodling on how to create a container to help hold people as they worked on creating their children’s books. I’ve taught lots of classes and workshops, but it’s been a while and this would be a new approach.

I kept engaging with the Circle community, so when they ran a Community Growth Bootcamp to help you to spread the word about a new online offering from Tatiana Figueiredo, I signed up. It was awesome. I really liked Tatiana’s approach which felt human, not too salesy. She got us to take actions each day, spending about a half hour at a time. Doable, and it helped me to push myself, and get over my monkey mind stumbling blocks (“I’m harrassing people with these emails,” “I’m being too loud,” and “People don’t want to hear from me.”). And this helped to normalize me spreading the word. Which led to me getting 11 people to sign up! My goal was ten, and it looked unlikely towards the very end.

Tatiana’s Business of Community offers lots of support to people who want to run online communities

I’m shouting out to ALL the helpers. Which is really a lot of how I pulled myself out of the darkness and back towards the light. Close friends and family. My children’s book community of rad creators who are also showing up to be in conversation with the cohort. Just last night we had Rob Liu-Trujillo join us, with his inspiring words for folks to follow their passion, learn all they can, and have a team to support them.

Rob is the best. Seriously. He has nine books out, and he’s a freelance illustrator. Bring him to your school, hire him to illustrator your project. He’s deeply amazing.

Honestly, I could go on and on about the amazing friends and community I feel so blessed to be a part of. I’m sure I’ll continue to do that. For instance, our next speaker is Zetta Elliott, one of the people I respect most in the world. Her Dragons in a Bag series is just finishing up with book 5! You can read a conversation between her and another awesome human who I met while doing my MFA at VCFA (she’s the one that got away as I always hoped we would work together), Uma Krishnaswami, here.

You should read this series. And really, anything Zetta writes. She is the real deal. One of my favorite authors and people on this planet.

Rob shouted out to the many people who helped him along the way (mutual friends like Maya Gonzalez, Janine Macbeth and Innosanto Nagara). He shared how they gave him advice, and showed him that he could do it himself to bring out his book, Furqan’s First Flattop. He told us how he got so many rejection letters. But he didn’t quit. Instead he talked to people, learned to edit and revise, got feedback, and he said he wrote a short story and did an illustration almost daily. This got him to the point where he was ready to put out his own book. His wife designed it. And a friend helped him to make a book trailer, and they made the rules up as they went along. You have to watch it - it’s so awesome.

And look at that - I’ve lifted my spirits by writing about all of these wonderful people. Community, to me, is what keeps us strong and healthy and sane. It’s where we listen and speak, where we lift each other up. Maybe it’s the antidote to road blocks. Or maybe the road blocks aren’t really road blocks at all?

What do you think?

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Laura Atkins, Pronouns: She/Her/They/Them
Children’s Book Author, Editor and Teacher
w: www.lauraatkins.com
e: laura@lauraatkins.com 

Find me and my weekly musings about indie children’s books, including my self-published picture book, on Substack!

Join the “Create Your Children’s Book” cohort in January 2024 – a community to support you as you tell the story that you want to tell — for you and your community.

With Arisa White, co-author of Biddy Mason Speaks Up, featured in The New York Times and on KQED’s Forum, and winner of a Nautilus Gold Medal and an Independent Book Award.

With Stan Yogi, co-author of Fred Korematsu Speaks Up  Winner, Carter G. Woodson Book Award; New-York Historical Society Children’s Book Prize; Honon Award, Jane Addams Children’s Book Award. Visit the Fighting for Justice series website and Facebook group for more.

And Artist, Manzanita Artisanry